It can be challenging to accept critical feedback. We feel great when other people compliment us (the verbal equivalent of gold stars) and not so great when we hear things that foster complicated feelings, frustration, or even tears. If you find yourself dreading feedback, you’re not alone—and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
When you hire a financial consultant, you are trying to improve your relationship with money. If that person is good at their job, they will be honest with you. That means you may hear some things that make you uncomfortable, trigger a mental block, or stir up fear.
They are going to discuss your strengths and weaknesses in relation to money. Because your brain’s number one job is to keep you alive, part of that survival instinct means you instinctively avoid bad feelings. In a sense, your body is trying to protect you from emotional discomfort, even when the truth can help you.
You will instinctively push back when your financial consultant points out your bad financial habits. That’s just normal. That pushback is a common and predictable reaction to feedback, and it often helps to name exactly what feels threatening so you can stay engaged rather than defensive by asking where it’s coming from. This can be especially useful when you’re dreading feedback and feel your guard going up before the conversation even starts.
The problem is, if you put up enough of a wall, you don’t grow and make improvements. That defensive argument might feel like self-protection in the moment, but it can have consequences for your future self.
There is another potential problem when you receive feedback that isn’t praising you. People with strong self-confidence believe they can overcome anything, and their self-assurance is so profound that it can make it difficult for them to accept critical advice—especially if they feel their ability is being questioned, even in a well-intentioned manner.
For the above reasons and others (including other internal factors and other external factors), you might dread getting feedback from a coach or advisor. If you’re dreading feedback, don’t feel bad if that’s the case with you. It’s entirely natural, and for most people it’s an unavoidable experience—even a fraught experience at times—but if you don’t find a way to get over your hurt feelings, you won’t move any closer to the reality you want to create.
If you want to get the most out of advice meant to help you, there are some proven ways to make receiving difficult news easier—particularly if you’ve been dreading feedback for a while. Here are two simple tips to help you, as the receiver of feedback, receive critical feedback with a positive mindset. Consider these a good starting point for building empathy for yourself while still committing effort to change.
1. Remember Your Goal when dreading feedback
You are seeking someone’s opinion because you want to make a change. You could be seeking financial wellness, as in the example above. Fitness is a common goal, and many people strive to create a more rewarding and enjoyable workplace experience, including better employee performance.
Embrace your goal, whatever it is. Right before you ask someone for their advice, remind yourself why you are seeking this information. You have sought out someone with experience that you know can help you. Remember that—and remember the intention behind the feedback.
If what you hear from a coach or counsellor makes you feel uncomfortable, revisit your goal. Feel good about what you’re doing because many people won’t reach out to others to try to better themselves, and that lowers their chances of meaningful change.
If you can consistently remember your motivation for seeking guidance, you soften the blow of critical feedback. Stay focused on your goal, and let it guide you through the process of receiving and utilising feedback—even when your feelings, opinions, or pride want to take over (which is common when you’re dreading feedback).
2. Seek Clarification and Take Action
It’s natural to become defensive when advice makes you uncomfortable. Every conscious decision you make is driven by a desire to seek pleasure or avoid pain.
Psychiatrists and neurologists tell us that the avoidance of pain, both physical and emotional, is the most powerful motivator. So, don’t feel bad if you respond negatively to critical feedback. It can be part of the critical thinking part of growth to notice your reaction and then choose a better response.
One helpful way to regain control and remove your feelings from the equation is to ask for clarification. Have your advisor break down their feedback. What does it really mean? Ask how you can turn that critical information into a game plan for positive growth. This approach empowers you to understand and utilise the feedback effectively—rather than reacting like a reviewer, examiner, or judge delivering a verdict.
Then, take action. Receiving feedback with a positive mindset is the core of coachability. That’s true whether the advice you get casts you in a positive or negative light. Being coachable allows you to improve on your weaknesses and enhance your strengths, but only if you take action on the feedback you receive. Remember, action is the key to personal growth and success.
And if your feedback happens in a workplace setting, such as within performance management systems, especially as organisations rethink and modernise performance reviews, this same mindset is a good use of every review cycle, for employees and for the things supervisors are trying to develop in their teams.
0 Comments